The Agony of Art

My purpose today is to show you a newly completed painting and to describe the anguishing process of naming it. This is no easy task when one has friends who know more than I know.

So I begin. The woman is not sitting on the mushroom, because I wanted to suggest some magical quality, such as levitation, which has drawn my attention for many years. My mother spoke frequently of levitation in her home town of Monroe, Utah:

"One of us kids would lie on a table out in the yard and four others would get on both sides of her. They would each put two fingers under her and say a chant. As they chanted she would rise off the table."

That was levitation. My mother's mother made the kids quit levitating, because, she said, "it is of the devil." My mother's  reaction years later was, "Laws, we didn't have television in those days. We had to do something to amuse ourselves." To this day we have been unable to come up with the chant. Otherwise we might spend part of every day levitating.

The other obvious element in the picture is the mushroom. I like the red and white design of this highly poisonous fungus, and I thought it made a nice addition to the piece. So the woman is levitating over a poisonous mushroom. I did my online research and came up with the name,
Amanita Muscaria. Title: "Levitating over Amanita Muscaria." Now some might argue that this whole matter is silly, that a woman levitating over a poisonous mushroom makes no sense at all, I would reply that all life is silly and my life is no more silly than anyone else's. I just happen to enjoy silliness.

But then my friend Al, a man with a keen scientific mind and a passion for fungi in the woods, wrote me an email: "I like the photo montage. The title needs work. It should be: "Sexy lady wondering why she is levitating over a fly agaric." You see, if you just say Amanita one might not know if you are referring to Phalloides ( death cap) or Muscaria (fly agaric). Other than that the sexy lady is clearly perplexed and probably would be so regardless of the mushroom identification. The source of the perplexment would be reason for much speculation and old chin stroking."

To this I replied, "Well the title is by no means certain, so maybe I should have you consult. It has to be shorter than you suggest, however appealing. Your astute observation about varieties of Muscaria has temporarily confused me. I just looked up Phalloides, and the images online show none of the red and white of the Muscaria, to which I am clearly drawn--for the color. Imagine a dull brownish-gray mushroom for a beautiful woman to sit on--or levitate over. On the other hand, I would not want to be embarrassed about such a title in front of the Utah Mushroom Society. Imagine Ardeen Watts just laughing himself silly. The name fly agaric does appeal, simply because of the word "fly" in the name--however irrelevant. Maybe I should put a fly on her nose?" I think not.

Al then felt a poetic moment coming on and wrote some doggerel, which I cannot locate on my gmail. I replied with this limerick in behalf of the painting:

There once was a damsel from Cape Fear
Whose eyes were exceedlingly dear.
She sat on muscaria
And screamed in hysteria,
Oh Lord, I've poisoned my rear.

My original limerick said the woman was from Bass, but Louise said I couldn't use that limerick on a blog. However, pressure has grown, and I now include the first one as well. Revision is the basis for all good writing: 

There once was a damsel from Bass,
A very comely young lass.
She sat on muscaria
And cried out in hysteria,
Oh Lord I've poisoned my ass. 

The "bottom" line: the title, thanks to Al, is "Levitating over Fly Agaric."  

Can you believe what a pain that was?

What problems have you had with naming something?